I am Max, a severed head with a drinking problem (but I deal with it!) and my running mate is a mad genius' brain in a jar.

Learn more here:

http://www.drunkenseveredhead.blogspot.com

And here:

http://allens-brain.blogspot.com

The campaigns of other candidates should be aborted now!

Clown cars from circuses are famously economical (they can carry a large number of clowns and yet run on less gas than the average car), and I will order that the entire federal fleet of cars for politicians and civil servants be CLOWN CARS.

I expect this will be a welcome change in Washington. After all, many of those driving government issued cars now ARE clowns!

Formal education is less important than wising up.

Hot air from Washington (and there is plenty of THAT), directed at windmills, could cut our oil dependence in half!

It takes a special environment to keep a severed head and a brain in a jar alive!

Contemporary experience is showing us that foreign policies, like foreign wines, are more expensive than domestic ones. And they can leave a bitter taste in the mouth if not chosen carefully!

I believe all marriages should strive to be carefree and gay.

My press secretary, reading from behind me, informs me that this section is about "same sex marriage." Well, I'm against THAT! Before I was a severed head, I was married and every Saturday night, it was always the SAME SEX. No variety! So spice it up, my fellow Americans! Get a little kinky every once in a while! I mean, like I said to her, "What's wrong with playing Twister with Crisco and a-

My press secretary says I have to shut up now.

Civil unions? All unions should be civil, even Teamsters! Set an example in politeness, I always say. Now take the political partnership of my vice-presidential candidate and I, for example. Our unholy alliance always has good manners. And when I'm drunk, I --

My press secretary INSISTS I shut up now.

I believe a little wine for the stomach is good for EVERY American!

When President, I will bring down the health insurance premiums for all Americans who have divested themselves of their bodies, like Allen's Brain and myself have done.

I will offer a $5000 health insurance rebate immediately to those people who plan to donate their bodies, upon their death, to bodiless people who can't afford robot bodies.

I will offer stimulus checks to all American telephone solicitors who agree to become Canadian immigrants.

My administration will change American foreign policy, and get us OUT from between Iraq and a hard place!

All Americans, if I am President, will be issued bulletproof, American-made, red, white and blue Linus-style security blankets. With crime in the streets, and with Americans more worried than ever before, we need to have a nation made more secure at the *individual* level!

And instead of sending excess government cheese to foreign countries, I will  donate it to the military for cannon fodder!

In secret tests by the Dept. of Defense, some ten year old cheddars have been known to pierce armored tanks!

After being elected President, I'll fight to institute a "syn tax." Internet users who use no punctuation, or who use all capital letters, or who write with no paragraph breaks, will be fined and the money raised will be earmarked for education.

Allen's Brain and I will fight to make American socializing more secure by instituting Free Beer Fridays!

The nation will be a happier place.

I'm looking to collect issues of PLAYBOY from between the years 1964 to 1982. Thank you to all supporters who are donating so generously!